


I Don't Want to Let This Go

by LynsFantasy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Altean Prince Lance (Voltron), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arranged Marriage, Garbage Fire Lodak (aka very unhealthy Lotor/Sendak), Healthy Lance/Lotor (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Secret Relationship, Zarkon's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 18:51:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16413923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynsFantasy/pseuds/LynsFantasy
Summary: Things have never been easy for the princes of Altea and Galra, Lance and Lotor, as they hid their relationship from their respective families and kingdoms. Despite that, they've always had each other.Then, Zarkon arranged a marriage between Lotor and Sendak. Lance now feels powerless as he watches from a distance, unable to save the man he loves.





	I Don't Want to Let This Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nofanficnova](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nofanficnova/gifts), [NoirSongbird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoirSongbird/gifts).



> I asked for angst prompts on a Discord server and Nova gave me "arranged marriage" as a suggestion. Then I remembered this idea that NoirSongbird shared in a different server about Zarkon arranging a marriage between Lotor and Sendak and that generally going very terribly. She lovingly calls it her "garbage fire Lodak" headcanon. I took a little creative license with it, but the credit for the basic idea goes to her, which is why I'm gifting to her as well as to Nova.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not against Lodak as a ship, and this isn't meant to bash Lodak or Sendak. It just so happens that Sendak works very nicely as the villain here, especially considering one certain line in the Kral Zera episode casting a rather long shadow across that ship and across Sendak's characterization.
> 
> Major warning for discussions of domestic abuse (with implications of noncon because Lotor very much did _not_ want to marry Sendak) and description of scars/wounds inflicted by abuses both recent and old. I also need to give a minor warning to anyone who is really sensitive to mentions or implication of suicide/suicidal thoughts, though there's nothing graphic in that regard.

This trip was for business, not socialization, as Prince Lance had been reminded multiple times. Since Emperor Zarkon hardly ever replied to King Alfor's messages these days, Alfor was going over to Daibazaal in person to confront him. Lance had begged his father to let him come along. He didn't say why, but he was pretty sure that Alfor knew anyways.

Once they'd arrived, Lance tried to catch Lotor's eye as subtly as he could, but while Lotor acted as calm and poised as ever, he never made eye contact with Lance. The distance was killing Lance slowly but surely, and he wanted nothing more than to run to Lotor and shake him by the shoulders until Lotor finally looked at him. But Lance restrained himself, knowing that it would be a terrible idea to make a scene.

It was hard to hold himself back, however, as Sendak came into the room, walking straight toward Lotor. He wrapped an arm possessively around his waist and suddenly pulled him against his side, causing Lotor to stiffen up. Anyone else would probably think that he was just surprised by Sendak's action, but Lance could see the helplessness haunting Lotor's eyes. If Lance had his way, he'd summon his blaster and shoot Sendak's head right off. He'd grab Lotor by the hand and run back to the hangar, back to the Altean royal ship, and they'd fly back to Altea as fast as possible, and Lotor would never have to see Sendak or his parents ever again…

Instead, he swallowed back bile and kept a pleasant smile plastered onto his face. Such was diplomacy, pretending not to see the suffering of those under an ally's rule. Even a prince.

Even a (secret) lover.

That night, Alfor and Lance stayed in guest rooms in the Galra palace. During the darkest hours of night, Lance snuck out, avoiding sentries and guards alike, heading on a path he'd memorized from years of midnight reunions. He wondered if, perhaps, Lotor would not be there, but he dismissed that thought. Of course he would come. He'd promised Lance that nothing would change between them.

But when Lance reached their secret spot, the panic room with an entrance hidden in an alcove, Lotor was not there. Lance began to worry; Lotor nearly always reached their rendezvous point first. Still, he wasn't going to give up hope yet, so he sat down and resolved that he would wait until morning if he had to.

A long hour passed in silence, but, finally, the door slowly cracked open, and Lotor's face appeared, looking ashen pale. "Lance, you shouldn't—"

Without hesitation, Lance jumped up and tackled Lotor in a hug. "You think I care? I never let your parents stop me before, and I'm not going to let some slime like Sendak stop me now."

Lotor slowly wrapped his arms around Lance and melted into the hug. The two stumbled fully into the room together, and Lotor had the presence of mind to close the door before they both sank to the ground, still embracing each other. Lotor was stiff for a moment, but Lance felt him slowly relax by degrees, melting into Lance’s hold while Lance sat on his lap, straddling his hips so that they could be pressed together completely.

"I still love you," Lance murmured. "Nothing will ever change that."

He felt Lotor tense up for a tick and then begin to softly sob, and he looked up to see tears slip from Lotor's eyes. "You don't know that. Lance, if you knew what he's done to me... He's ruined me. You deserve someone better. Someone whole."

Lance wiped the tears off of Lotor's cheeks. "I will always love you, no matter what. I wish I could take you away from here, take you home and keep you safe forever." He hugged Lotor again, holding him as tightly as possible. "It's killing me to see you suffer, but it will never make you any lesser in my eyes. It will never make me stop loving you."

"I don't deserve someone like you."

"That's what I thought about you when we first started sneaking out together, years ago. I always admired your strength and confidence. I thought you were too good for someone like me. But, Lotor..." He leaned back enough to meet Lotor's eyes. "You taught me how valuable I really am, and I don't think I could ever repay you for that. Of course I'm going to stick by you, even like this."

Lotor stayed quiet for a long moment before finally murmuring, "Thank you."

Lance hummed in acknowledgement, unsure how to give words to his thoughts and feelings. A simple _'You're welcome'_ wouldn't suffice here. But he knew that Lotor would understand anyways.

They stayed in silence for a while longer, just trying to soak up each other's presence as much as possible before it was too late. It would be morning all too soon, and they would have to go back to their respective rooms before everyone else woke up.

"Lotor?"

"Hmm?"

"I..." Lance hesitated, but he knew that this would eat him up unless he asked. "You don't have to tell me, but... what is he doing to you?"

Lotor closed his eyes and turned his head away. Lance was about to apologize for even asking, but Lotor said quietly, "I'm sure you can guess. He knows that I don't want to be with him, and yet he still forces me to... he—" He shook his head, as if unable to get the words out.

A leaden feeling settled in Lance's gut. "And if you refuse?"

The pain in Lotor's eyes as he once again met Lance's gaze conveyed enough, but he gently drew back from Lance just enough to be able to pull his shirt off. Lance had seen Lotor's chest many times and was familiar with the sight of scars — some were inflicted by his father, more were from 'training accidents', and a few were from actual fighting in putting down rebellions within the empire — but now there were dozens of fresh marks in various stages of healing. A couple looked so fresh that Lance wondered if Lotor was late for their rendezvous because he was waiting for the wounds to stop bleeding.

Lance immediately felt nauseated, and his vision blurred over with tears. He didn't realize he was shaking until Lotor placed a hand on his shoulder. Slowly, he reached out, tracing his fingers across a few of the more-healed marks. "How—" His strangled voice could hardly get the words out as he struggled not to cry. "How often?"

"Almost every night," Lotor said softly, resigned... _defeated_.

"No." The word escaped Lance's lips before he'd even decided to say it. "No, no, _no_." He shook his head, and tears slipped from his eyes before he could blink them back.

"I'm sorry." Lotor reached for his shirt. "This was a mistake. I—"

"Wait." Lance grabbed Lotor's wrist to stop him, but that caused Lotor to flinch, and Lance pulled his hand back as if burned. "I-I'm sorry! I just... I..." He sighed. "Thank you for being honest with me. I want to be here for you. I want to help you."

Lotor held Lance's gaze for a long moment. "I'm afraid there's nothing you can really do, though I appreciate the sentiment. Just having you here is already a great comfort."

"What if..." Lance stopped himself, but he saw something like interest, maybe even a cautious hope, spark in Lotor's eyes, so he continued. "What if we run away together?"

Lotor shook his head. "That would never work. Where could we go? No matter how far we run, my father would track me down."

"Then come back to Altea with me." He took Lotor's hand in both of his own. "We can protect you there. If I tell my father what you're going through, I'm sure he'll grant you refuge. You'll be safe."

"If my father comes after me and tries to get me back, no one on Altea will be safe. The Galra military is stronger. Your father is no fool. He won't risk war by protecting me."

"Do you really think your father would initiate war over you? Altea's forces are strong. If your father opens fire on us, our counterattack would be fierce."

"The Alteans and Galra were at war off and on for millennia before our fathers managed to create a peace treaty," Lotor pointed out. "You and I were born into this golden age of peace, but the older generations wouldn't hesitate to reignite that age-old conflict. Face it, Lance. I'm not worth risking war."

"But—"

"My father does not fear Altea. He would not hesitate. And yes, he doesn’t actually care about me, but it would be a matter of pride. Besides," he smiled bitterly, "do you really think that Sendak would let me go so easily?"

Lance wanted to argue, wanted to yell and beg and demand and plead until Lotor conceded, but he knew that Lotor was right. He felt like he was drowning in a sea of helplessness. "So... that's it? We just do nothing?"

Lotor sighed, looking off to the side. "For now, yes. But perhaps, someday, there will be an opportunity to act. Already, there is tension between our peoples, caused mostly by my parents. If we really are destined for war anyways, then maybe..."

A small, wry smile came onto Lance's face. "Don't tempt me. I'll start sabotaging the diplomatic talks."

Lotor chuckled, cracking a bit of a smile, and even that hint of happiness warmed Lance's heart. "No, no, don't do that." The smile quickly faded. "If you did… you would kill billions just to save me, and I would not be able to live with that."

"You're right. We don't need billions to die. Just _one_."

"No, do not hire an assassin either. Besides, if we were really going to do this, we would need to kill my mother first, followed immediately by my father, and then give Sendak enough time to claim the throne so that I can make him mysteriously disappear and step up in his absence."

Lance looked at Lotor with a sense of newfound hope. "You _are_ still making plans. I knew it! I knew you wouldn't let him break you so easily."

Now it was Lotor's turn to smile wryly. "I don't really have any plans, just contingencies, but... I suppose you're right, in a way. I feel so much weaker than before — I _feel_ broken — but I think I really do still have some hope after all. Or maybe..." He leaned forward and softly kissed Lance's forehead. "Maybe it's because you're here, and _you_ are my hope."

Tears returned to Lance's eyes, but he was smiling now as a bittersweet mixture of emotions bubbled up in his chest. "Promise me you won't give up?"

"I promise." He leaned in, softly capturing Lance's lips with his own. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

~*~*~*~

Lance watched through the viewscreen as the Red Lion came back from the base of the Blade of Marmora. It still struck him as odd, seeing someone other than his father flying the mighty Lion, but then again, he still felt strange about flying Blaytz's lion, so he supposed he simply needed more time to adjust to the idea. He certainly had not responded very well to the idea of anyone but Gyrgan flying Yellow when the humans — Shiro, Keith, Hunk, and Pidge — had shown up to the Castle of Lions and explained how they had gotten there.

He was happy to see Shiro in Black, though, if only because he derived dark pleasure from imagining how much Zarkon must hate the mere idea of anyone else in his Lion. If only Lotor were still here, Lance would have loved to see the look on his face.

But, according to the records, Lotor had committed suicide a few centuries after Altea's destruction.

The information had stung at first, but Lance found a strange sense of relief in knowing that Lotor hadn't waited for him. After all, the idea that Lotor might still be suffering after all this time, after ten millennia, was deeply disturbing. It was better that he was at least at peace, right?

As Shiro and Keith stepped out of the Red Lion, however, three figures followed them. One was unfamiliar, one was masked, but the third—

Lance was running before he even consciously realized what he was seeing, and in less than a tick, he had tackled Lotor right to the floor. Lotor flipped them over, pinning him down by reflex, but Lance watched the recognition and joy spark in his eyes. "Lance, you're…”

"Alive," Lance finished. "You're still alive." He started laughing in joy and disbelief.

Lotor started laughing too as he rolled off of him and sat up. Lance quickly followed, finding his way back into Lotor's arms.

Footsteps approached, and then Allura was kneeling beside them, smiling at them both. "I can hardly believe it. When I read that report, I thought for sure that it was far too late. How...?"

"I recruited him," Kolivan explained. "It was clear to see that he was unhappy with the actions of the empire, so he was a logical choice for the rebellion. I helped him fake his own suicide, and he's been a valuable member of the rebellion ever since."

Lance buried his face in Lotor's chest. "I'm so glad you're alive."

"I feel as though I must be dreaming," Lotor admitted. "I thought you died along with your father in the final battle." His eyes flicked over to Allura. "Both of you."

"Our father put us into stasis here so that we would be safe," Allura explained. "Perhaps a little too safe. No one found us for 10,000 years."

"Perhaps. But the important part is that you're here now, and you have Voltron, so we can finally take down my father."

"Together," Lance murmured.

"Yes." Lotor kissed the top of his head. "Together."

Off to the side, Kolivan cleared his throat. "While they reunite, perhaps the rest of us can begin discussing strategy."

"Ah, yes." Allura stood up and went over to join him and the others, leaving Lotor and Lance alone.

Lance pulled his head back and looked up at his lover. "Hey, Lotor?"

"Hmm?"

"I shot Sendak in the back when he was trying to take over the Castle. And — get this — I was already half-dead and practically comatose from being caught in an explosion. My hatred for him was strong enough to pull me back to consciousness from the brink of death just long enough to shoot him."

"You...?" Lotor started to laugh despite looking extremely concerned and quite confused. He shook his head a little, still smiling. "You're amazing."

"I know." Lance kissed his cheek. "Sorry I didn't get the chance to kill him, though. He's probably dead in the void of space? We lost track of him."

“It's alright.” Lotor’s smile turned vindictive. "If he isn't dead yet, that merely means that I still have the chance of killing him myself."

"Sounds like a plan."

Shiro's voice called over to them, "Are you two going to come help us strategize? Kolivan says that Lotor is one of their best strategists, and we really should start on this right away, so can you save the reunion?"

The two of them disentangled themselves from each other and stood up, though they still paused for a moment, just looking into each other's eyes. Then Lance rose up onto his toes while Lotor leaned down, and their lips met in a kiss that conveyed the longing of 10,000 years. Even after they broke off the kiss, they stayed together, holding hands as they approached the rest of the group.

Later, they would be able to go to Lance's room and take all the time they needed to reunite properly. For now, they had an empire to take down.

Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, raise your hand if you thought this wouldn't have a happy ending. <*raises hand*> Yeah, I didn't actually plan that, but it just kind of happened while I was writing it. I'm too much of a sucker for romantic/happy endings, I guess. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Oh, and if you were wondering where the title came from, it's a line from Is There Somewhere by Halsey because those lines -- _I'm trying not to let it show, that I don't want to let this go / Is there somewhere you can meet me?_ \-- really fit the tone of the story.
> 
> Anyways, if you enjoyed this, please comment and leave kudos! Please also check out [NoirSongbird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoirSongbird/pseuds/NoirSongbird), since I'm assuming that if you finished this, you probably like Lancelot, and she has some really good Lancelot content. And both she and [Nova](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nofanficnova) have some great Sheith content if you're into that ship. Thank you!


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